Baby backstrokes and thinking about the birth

17w 5d

For the past few weeks, I've felt some indistinguishable sensations in the baby bump.  They were way too faint to know for sure, and at first I passed it off as just some of my body's normal functions.  The past few days however, I've felt little flutters and a whooshing sensation!  It doesn't feel like other body functions, so I can almost confidently say that I'm feeling baby move now!  It's exciting to have reached that milestone.  Now I can have the occassional reminder that baby is still there and growing.

As far as other symptoms go, my lower back is achey which makes my shoulders hurt too.  What I wouldn't give for a proper massage about now.  Sleep is also in a consistant pattern of sleeping for a few hours then waking up.  Sometimes I can go back to sleep, sometimes I can't.  I blame not being able to stay in a single position for too long.  I know it won't get any better once the baby comes, but it makes me feel like I constantly have a lack of sleep which doesn't help my mood swings any.

Birth Day Concerns

I had a bit of a breakdown about a week ago about how the birth is going to go.  Because the only birthing center is nearly 2 hours away, we've opted to use a local hospital.  But then I picked up a book from our library about the Bradley method of birthing.  What I didn't expect to find was a long list of reasons why everything they do from a hospital can add to a cascade of losing control of my own delivery.  Even the IV can be enough to cause complications that would lead to fetal monitoring, drugs, and C-sections.  It made me feel hopeless in my choices because I know that Medicaid won't pay for a midwife to deliver the baby at home.

At my last appointment, I got some answers to what procedures and accomidations they have.  I was glad to hear that they let the mother keep the baby for the first hour to allow bonding time before whisking them away for tests.  They will also let the baby stay in the room with me so we can establish a breastfeeding schedule.  She said they require an IV and fetal monitoring, but I'm going to go back and see if we can compromise with a heparin lock and intermittant fetal monitoring.  It would certainly help me feel better about it.  I also need to make sure that the doctor, the nurses, and D are all aware of my wishes and make sure D will help advocate for me that I don't need drugs or unnecessary procedures unless the baby is in distress.

As the wedding looms closer, I can't help but begin to worry about it.  By the wedding date, the baby will technically be viable to survive outside the womb if I went into premature labor.  I want us to be ready for delivery by the wedding, but it's hard convincing D that we should do any prep before the wedding.