31 weeks 6 days
Hubby and I got in last night from travelling to our first baby shower. A good number of friends live in another state 5 hours away and wouldn't be able to come to the shower in our home state, so a friend organized a shower closer to everyone. Added with Thanksgiving travelling to visit my parents, we drove almost exactly 1000 miles this weekend and had to fight through Sunday after Thanksgiving traffic to get home. But it was definately worth it.
A particular friend of ours (we'll call him Chaz for the sake of internet anonymity) really went out of his way for us this whole weekend and coordinated with people to meet us wherever we were so that we could see as many friends as we could. We got to see a friend the evening before who wasn't going to be able to make it to the shower, but we unfortunately missed the chance to see a few other friends because they were late and showed up as we were leaving the restaurant. The next day, my husband and Chaz took me to an awesome local diner while the appartment was decorated for the baby shower. Within that short hour, they had hung banners and streamers all over the living room and even in front of the bathroom and the bedroom we were staying in. The guys promptly escaped the scene so that they could meet up with some other friends and go see "Immortals".
The shower was a blast! They had a bunch of shower games planned from trying to remember the names of TV and movie kids to mad libs themed around how the delivery of the baby will go. We did the clothespin game where you couldn't say the word baby (which I promptly lost), and we blindfolded each other to try to feed each other pudding baby style. They even brought plain onesies we got to decorate for our future little dork and promised plenty of pictures when he's big enough to fit in them. We rounded off the evening by going out to Chili's and chatting about the game we all play. Some of them went out again to get dessert, but I was wiped by this point and made a date with the bed.
We got a few of the items from our registry, but the day was more about getting to have a good time with friends and celebrate the new baby. Hubby had more fun being out with his buddies than he would have had he stayed at the shower, and I got some girl bonding time. We got to see a lot of people in the area, including meeting up with another friend on our way out of town. There is definately a trip planned a few months after baby's birth day to give friends the chance to meet the baby. They probably don't have the most kid friendly vocabularies, but they're people I wouldn't mind having in baby's life.
Next weekend is shower #2 where I hope we get more of what we need. I doubt anyone will actually get the crib for us, but you never know as we got the stroller we wanted delivered to our door this morning.
Baby and Wedding Countdown
Monday, November 28, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Wait, we're going to have a baby of our very own?
31 weeks 0 days
This weekend, we took a tour of the hospital we're going to be giving birth at. We can't think of it as this abstract place in our distant future anymore. It's a real place with nice rooms, wood panelled bassinets, and a nursery. Even though I hope to spend as little time as possible in this place, it's a place of great significance to us. This is where we are having our firstborn, our little boy! And it's going to happen in 2 months!
Baby has definately been real to me for several months (I have the acid reflux and lack of sleep to prove it), but seeing the hospital is like being shown a glimpse of the finish line. It's a lot easier to visualize the birth when I've seen where I'm going to be for it. No, I may not end up in that exact room, but it's a hospital, not a luxury hotel with 20 unique room styles. If I have a textbook birth, I'm going to be spending a good amount of time getting acquainted with the room before the big debut anyway.
As we were looking through the windows at the nursery, a pregnant woman obviously in labor was wheelchaired past us. It wasn't the stereotypical screaming laboring woman either. Other than being red and sweaty, she didn't look much different than myself or the other 6 or so pregnant women on the tour. She was actually texting on her phone, probably telling family and friends that it was time. I couldn't help relating to her, automatically envisioning myself in her exact position. I bet I wasn't the only one on that tour who did the same thing.
I feel a lot calmer knowing how things are going to go at the hospital. For some reason, I also feel calmer having that sense of knowing that we're going to have an actual baby in our arms. Maybe it's hormones of some kind, but I'm not anxious or over excited. I'm calmly pleased by the thought. Maybe I'm just relieved to be seeing proof that 9 months of all the obstacles of pregnancy will be worth it.
I'm in the home stretch. I have every hope of making it to January 24, but in reality it could be anytime. Every day gives him time to grow and be strong enough to be ready for the outside world.
This weekend, we took a tour of the hospital we're going to be giving birth at. We can't think of it as this abstract place in our distant future anymore. It's a real place with nice rooms, wood panelled bassinets, and a nursery. Even though I hope to spend as little time as possible in this place, it's a place of great significance to us. This is where we are having our firstborn, our little boy! And it's going to happen in 2 months!
Baby has definately been real to me for several months (I have the acid reflux and lack of sleep to prove it), but seeing the hospital is like being shown a glimpse of the finish line. It's a lot easier to visualize the birth when I've seen where I'm going to be for it. No, I may not end up in that exact room, but it's a hospital, not a luxury hotel with 20 unique room styles. If I have a textbook birth, I'm going to be spending a good amount of time getting acquainted with the room before the big debut anyway.
As we were looking through the windows at the nursery, a pregnant woman obviously in labor was wheelchaired past us. It wasn't the stereotypical screaming laboring woman either. Other than being red and sweaty, she didn't look much different than myself or the other 6 or so pregnant women on the tour. She was actually texting on her phone, probably telling family and friends that it was time. I couldn't help relating to her, automatically envisioning myself in her exact position. I bet I wasn't the only one on that tour who did the same thing.
I feel a lot calmer knowing how things are going to go at the hospital. For some reason, I also feel calmer having that sense of knowing that we're going to have an actual baby in our arms. Maybe it's hormones of some kind, but I'm not anxious or over excited. I'm calmly pleased by the thought. Maybe I'm just relieved to be seeing proof that 9 months of all the obstacles of pregnancy will be worth it.
I'm in the home stretch. I have every hope of making it to January 24, but in reality it could be anytime. Every day gives him time to grow and be strong enough to be ready for the outside world.
Friday, November 18, 2011
"Spaces in your Togetherness"
"You were born together, and together you shall be forever more.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow" ~ Khalil Gibran, "The Prophet"
I doubt my husband has read this, but in our marriage he seems to be following these words as much as I am. A comment he made today made me think again about this passage.
A friend and I are having a disagreement/misunderstanding about something. Although he has stepped in to help in the past, he's decided it's best to let me deal with it. Even though he hates seeing me upset, he admits I'm dealing with the situation better than he would. We make a point to allow the other to have breathing room in our relationship and believe that it allows for better results to deal with life as separate people still. We are similar but still very different people with different pasts that guide our decisions. In marriage, we get to benefit from each other, but it doesn't mean tying our hands together.
The same could be said of friendships I suppose. We don't (usually) tie ourselves to friends as much as we would a spouse, but it's unrealistic to expect friendships to go on without any problems. Sure, it's healthy to walk away from friendships that do nothing but hurt, but it is our differences with the people around us that truly help us grow and evaluate the parts of ourselves we should outgrow. We walk our path side by side with those we choose to be there with us. But we also get to choose how close we walk with them. Some friends you want within arms reach, some perhaps are meant to be within shouting distance. Some are only meant to be with us for a season before taking their lives down a different path.
Well, this post was supposed to be about marriage, but isn't marriage just a really close friendship anyway?
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow" ~ Khalil Gibran, "The Prophet"
I doubt my husband has read this, but in our marriage he seems to be following these words as much as I am. A comment he made today made me think again about this passage.
A friend and I are having a disagreement/misunderstanding about something. Although he has stepped in to help in the past, he's decided it's best to let me deal with it. Even though he hates seeing me upset, he admits I'm dealing with the situation better than he would. We make a point to allow the other to have breathing room in our relationship and believe that it allows for better results to deal with life as separate people still. We are similar but still very different people with different pasts that guide our decisions. In marriage, we get to benefit from each other, but it doesn't mean tying our hands together.
The same could be said of friendships I suppose. We don't (usually) tie ourselves to friends as much as we would a spouse, but it's unrealistic to expect friendships to go on without any problems. Sure, it's healthy to walk away from friendships that do nothing but hurt, but it is our differences with the people around us that truly help us grow and evaluate the parts of ourselves we should outgrow. We walk our path side by side with those we choose to be there with us. But we also get to choose how close we walk with them. Some friends you want within arms reach, some perhaps are meant to be within shouting distance. Some are only meant to be with us for a season before taking their lives down a different path.
Well, this post was supposed to be about marriage, but isn't marriage just a really close friendship anyway?
Monday, November 14, 2011
I get so ANGRY about being moody!
29 weeks 6 days
I feel like I've been nothing but moody lately. Poor hubby has had to put up with me getting annoyed with him at little things he does (or doesn't do). I feel like I've lost all patience for him, our cat, and even myself. I'm at the point where I get annoyed with myself when I forget to take my medicine or have to get out of a comfortable position to pee.
I know I have the right to use a lot of excuses. I'm pregnant, I haven't slept well in a few months, I have acid reflux so bad that some nights I can't even lay down without getting sick, and baby likes to test his strength by kicking my cervix. The truth is that I never like using excuses because I always consider it stronger to just 'man up' about it and overcome it. I'll allow myself to use the hormone excuse only because otherwise I feel like an awful person for how I've been behaving.
Having no patience is a new experience for me. Perhaps it is a cruel biological joke of learning how to function without certain luxuries like a full night's sleep or a content stomach. My poor husband has been so patient with me as I have to relearn the meaning of patience under less than ideal circumstances. I've gone so far as to criticize the way he plays his video games, and he's mostly taken it in stride with a few exasperated "yes dear"s.
I sure hope I get my patience back soon. I hate being the pregnant lady monster.
I feel like I've been nothing but moody lately. Poor hubby has had to put up with me getting annoyed with him at little things he does (or doesn't do). I feel like I've lost all patience for him, our cat, and even myself. I'm at the point where I get annoyed with myself when I forget to take my medicine or have to get out of a comfortable position to pee.
I know I have the right to use a lot of excuses. I'm pregnant, I haven't slept well in a few months, I have acid reflux so bad that some nights I can't even lay down without getting sick, and baby likes to test his strength by kicking my cervix. The truth is that I never like using excuses because I always consider it stronger to just 'man up' about it and overcome it. I'll allow myself to use the hormone excuse only because otherwise I feel like an awful person for how I've been behaving.
Having no patience is a new experience for me. Perhaps it is a cruel biological joke of learning how to function without certain luxuries like a full night's sleep or a content stomach. My poor husband has been so patient with me as I have to relearn the meaning of patience under less than ideal circumstances. I've gone so far as to criticize the way he plays his video games, and he's mostly taken it in stride with a few exasperated "yes dear"s.
I sure hope I get my patience back soon. I hate being the pregnant lady monster.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
The Bunny Baby
29 weeks 2 days
My husband and I have decided to impliment a few new changes for the sake of the cat. He's used to getting a lot of attention and having the run of the house (except our bedroom which he is never allowed in without supervision). So when we cleaned out the baby's room a week or so ago, we went ahead and shut the door to it and declared it a no cat zone. Aside from not wanting him to pee on the spare mattress we set up in there (he has a history of peeing on beds), we don't want the cat in the room with baby unsupervised. Starting yesterday, we began the next phase of cat/baby acclimation: operation bunny baby.
I took a stuffed bunny about the size baby should be when born and swaddled it in a blanket we've been given already. My husband and I have been taking turns holding bunny baby in our laps. Kitty has been somewhat interested in this new thing in his world, but he's so far been acting how we want him to around a baby. He sniffs it and even gave it a lick, but he's been careful not to step on baby bunny or lay too close to it. He must be getting the message by the way we hold bunny baby (and occassional talk to it when we feel the silly urge) that this is something to be respected because it is important to the humans. Our hope is that he will be so used to having bunny baby in his life that he won't be completely horrified at a swaddled baby in our arms. I plan for the last stage of operation bunny baby to include swaddling the bunny in a blanket baby has used so that the cat has a day or two to associate the swaddled bunny with the smell of a swaddled baby.
There will likely be mention of bunny baby in posts to come since he is a surrogate baby for us as well. I'll be using bunny baby to teach hubby how to properly swaddle baby as well as how to work a cloth diaper. Bunny baby will also be good practice for him to learn how to properly hold a newborn. He made the comment that bunny baby is like the high school parenting class assignment of taking care of an egg. At least we don't have to worry about bunny baby cracking if we drop him and getting a bad grade.
As for the cat, I think he's more upset about losing access to the baby room right now. I'd be a bit miffed too if I was confined to the living room/kitchen and a bathroom. He's still our fuzzy baby, and we want him to still feel loved even after we bring our baby home.
My husband and I have decided to impliment a few new changes for the sake of the cat. He's used to getting a lot of attention and having the run of the house (except our bedroom which he is never allowed in without supervision). So when we cleaned out the baby's room a week or so ago, we went ahead and shut the door to it and declared it a no cat zone. Aside from not wanting him to pee on the spare mattress we set up in there (he has a history of peeing on beds), we don't want the cat in the room with baby unsupervised. Starting yesterday, we began the next phase of cat/baby acclimation: operation bunny baby.
I took a stuffed bunny about the size baby should be when born and swaddled it in a blanket we've been given already. My husband and I have been taking turns holding bunny baby in our laps. Kitty has been somewhat interested in this new thing in his world, but he's so far been acting how we want him to around a baby. He sniffs it and even gave it a lick, but he's been careful not to step on baby bunny or lay too close to it. He must be getting the message by the way we hold bunny baby (and occassional talk to it when we feel the silly urge) that this is something to be respected because it is important to the humans. Our hope is that he will be so used to having bunny baby in his life that he won't be completely horrified at a swaddled baby in our arms. I plan for the last stage of operation bunny baby to include swaddling the bunny in a blanket baby has used so that the cat has a day or two to associate the swaddled bunny with the smell of a swaddled baby.
There will likely be mention of bunny baby in posts to come since he is a surrogate baby for us as well. I'll be using bunny baby to teach hubby how to properly swaddle baby as well as how to work a cloth diaper. Bunny baby will also be good practice for him to learn how to properly hold a newborn. He made the comment that bunny baby is like the high school parenting class assignment of taking care of an egg. At least we don't have to worry about bunny baby cracking if we drop him and getting a bad grade.
As for the cat, I think he's more upset about losing access to the baby room right now. I'd be a bit miffed too if I was confined to the living room/kitchen and a bathroom. He's still our fuzzy baby, and we want him to still feel loved even after we bring our baby home.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Defining "Failure"
29 weeks 1 day
Today, I got the chance to talk to one of the doctors about my birth plan. I'm wanting to go as natural as I can with little intervention unless there's something wrong. My husband laughed at how precise my birth plan was, but being on the pregnancy forums at thebump.com really opened my eyes to just what all can happen during birth.
For the most part, the doctor agreed with a lot of what I put down. He didn't agree with my wish to not have an IV, but he took the time to explain that during labor that the stomach is being squeezed too and wouldn't be able to process fluids properly. I know that getting IV fluids can slow down labor, but that is actually a legit reason to consider getting one eventually. I'll probably end up drinking water while I'm laboring at home and have them check to see if I'm dehydrated when I get admitted.
Something he said really stuck with me though. He felt it important that I keep an open mind and not consider myself a failure if we don't get to stick exactly with the birth plan. It could have just come from what he's been taught to say to talk mothers into getting c-sections, but there's something I can still take from it. We're going to fight tooth and nail to not get a c-section unless I need it, but I do need to be ready for the possibility. It is my body, but during labor there's little I can do as to what it's doing. It isn't my fault if baby goes into distress nor if my muscles just give up after hours of pushing. I'm going to be doing everything mentally and physically that I can to have the birth that will be best for me and the baby. But I need to remember that having to deviate from this plan doesn't make me a failure as a mother.
At the end of the day, the hospital is there to do everything they can to put a healthy baby in our arms. Yeah, getting a c-section would suck, and I'd probably need to have a private moment to properly mourn the loss of my natural birth ideal. But I need to remember that it doesn't make me a failure. The doctor's words need to bounce around in my head for a while for me to really internalize it. This is important enough to take the effort to internalize.
Today, I got the chance to talk to one of the doctors about my birth plan. I'm wanting to go as natural as I can with little intervention unless there's something wrong. My husband laughed at how precise my birth plan was, but being on the pregnancy forums at thebump.com really opened my eyes to just what all can happen during birth.
For the most part, the doctor agreed with a lot of what I put down. He didn't agree with my wish to not have an IV, but he took the time to explain that during labor that the stomach is being squeezed too and wouldn't be able to process fluids properly. I know that getting IV fluids can slow down labor, but that is actually a legit reason to consider getting one eventually. I'll probably end up drinking water while I'm laboring at home and have them check to see if I'm dehydrated when I get admitted.
Something he said really stuck with me though. He felt it important that I keep an open mind and not consider myself a failure if we don't get to stick exactly with the birth plan. It could have just come from what he's been taught to say to talk mothers into getting c-sections, but there's something I can still take from it. We're going to fight tooth and nail to not get a c-section unless I need it, but I do need to be ready for the possibility. It is my body, but during labor there's little I can do as to what it's doing. It isn't my fault if baby goes into distress nor if my muscles just give up after hours of pushing. I'm going to be doing everything mentally and physically that I can to have the birth that will be best for me and the baby. But I need to remember that having to deviate from this plan doesn't make me a failure as a mother.
At the end of the day, the hospital is there to do everything they can to put a healthy baby in our arms. Yeah, getting a c-section would suck, and I'd probably need to have a private moment to properly mourn the loss of my natural birth ideal. But I need to remember that it doesn't make me a failure. The doctor's words need to bounce around in my head for a while for me to really internalize it. This is important enough to take the effort to internalize.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Wait, I thought I was done with 1st trimester!
28 weeks 5 days
First, I apologize for the time between posts. Between finishing the name change process and a healthy helping of sleep deprivation, I just hadn't been in the mood to update here. I'll start with a brief description of how the glucose test went.
I had to fast before the test, and my stomach was sure making some interesting noises that morning. It was a relief when I got to drink the glucose solution. I wished I had to take more of it I was so hungry. While I was in the examination room waiting for the hour to pass so they could take my blood (and so I could eat an actual meal), I started sugar crashing. But I was determined to power through the rest of the appointment. However, after the technician drew the blood for the test, I started sweating and feeling dizzy. I told the tech I wasn't feeling well, so she turned on the fan and put an ice pack to the back of my neck. I spent the next 10 minutes trying not to vomit and focused on breathing. Luckily, I didn't actually pass out or vomit, and I got myself well enough to leave and get some real food in me.
While I was recovering, the technician went ahead and tested my blood glucose levels. I passed with flying colors. My score was in the 80's (it would have had to have been above 130 for me to fail), so I do not have gestational diabetes. So I get to continue eating whatever I can stomach without worrying about it affecting my blood sugar.
However, my stomach gets upset when I have too much sugar anyway. Having extra halloween candy around doesn't help that any. Tomato sauce and corn remain my main aversions, but even with my bland diet I have to take Zantac every day to keep the acid reflux down. I'm really looking forward to eating like a normal human being again. I may have to limit some foods if baby gets gassy from the breastmilk, but at least it won't be because certain foods make me feel like death.
The sleep deprivation continues. I'm waking every hour or two, so I know I'm not getting the deep sleep my body craves to actually feel rested. I'm lucky I have my husband around to drive me places because I feel half coherent most of the time. On top of the major sleep deprivation is an increase in joint acheyness. I know it's due to the hormones loosening up my hip joints for birth, but it makes the rest of my body feel like I've just run a race.
Baby has taken a preference to kicking my left side. As a result, when I'm sitting on the couch, I often have to have a pillow next to that side to sit comfortably. When I sleep, a pillow has to prop up the bump when I lay on that side (since my achey joints make it impossible to stay on one side for very long). Baby has some oomph behind his kicks now, and he applies some major pressure whenever he flips over. He's probably running out of room, so his dance routine has become more painful.
We've got some baby showers planned in a few weeks, and I'll make a point to post updates on how those go.
First, I apologize for the time between posts. Between finishing the name change process and a healthy helping of sleep deprivation, I just hadn't been in the mood to update here. I'll start with a brief description of how the glucose test went.
I had to fast before the test, and my stomach was sure making some interesting noises that morning. It was a relief when I got to drink the glucose solution. I wished I had to take more of it I was so hungry. While I was in the examination room waiting for the hour to pass so they could take my blood (and so I could eat an actual meal), I started sugar crashing. But I was determined to power through the rest of the appointment. However, after the technician drew the blood for the test, I started sweating and feeling dizzy. I told the tech I wasn't feeling well, so she turned on the fan and put an ice pack to the back of my neck. I spent the next 10 minutes trying not to vomit and focused on breathing. Luckily, I didn't actually pass out or vomit, and I got myself well enough to leave and get some real food in me.
While I was recovering, the technician went ahead and tested my blood glucose levels. I passed with flying colors. My score was in the 80's (it would have had to have been above 130 for me to fail), so I do not have gestational diabetes. So I get to continue eating whatever I can stomach without worrying about it affecting my blood sugar.
However, my stomach gets upset when I have too much sugar anyway. Having extra halloween candy around doesn't help that any. Tomato sauce and corn remain my main aversions, but even with my bland diet I have to take Zantac every day to keep the acid reflux down. I'm really looking forward to eating like a normal human being again. I may have to limit some foods if baby gets gassy from the breastmilk, but at least it won't be because certain foods make me feel like death.
The sleep deprivation continues. I'm waking every hour or two, so I know I'm not getting the deep sleep my body craves to actually feel rested. I'm lucky I have my husband around to drive me places because I feel half coherent most of the time. On top of the major sleep deprivation is an increase in joint acheyness. I know it's due to the hormones loosening up my hip joints for birth, but it makes the rest of my body feel like I've just run a race.
Baby has taken a preference to kicking my left side. As a result, when I'm sitting on the couch, I often have to have a pillow next to that side to sit comfortably. When I sleep, a pillow has to prop up the bump when I lay on that side (since my achey joints make it impossible to stay on one side for very long). Baby has some oomph behind his kicks now, and he applies some major pressure whenever he flips over. He's probably running out of room, so his dance routine has become more painful.
We've got some baby showers planned in a few weeks, and I'll make a point to post updates on how those go.
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