"What do you mean the bed doesn't include the actual bed?"

We are looking at new furniture soon.  My parents have offered to replace our couch, chair, and our bed as a wedding present.  We were floored by the offer, especially since we were talking about replacing all 3 items soon anyway.  The current couch and chair I got for free, so it came pre cat-scratched.  It's earned some stains, rips, and more cat scratches since it has come into my possession, not to mention the cat likes to pee on it in retaliation when we leave for a few days or when his litter box gets full.  The bed belongs to D, and he doesn't even remember when he got it.  It now has 2 sagging indents where we sleep, and we both complain of back trouble.  So yes... these are upgrades we greatly need.

My parents are coming up this next weekend to take advantage of labor day sales.  We looked at one furniture place a few weeks ago, but they were so overpriced that we knew it wouldn't be in the budget.  Who honestly has the money to blow $5k on a couch?  So today we ventured out to big lots.  That ended up being a bust for furniture (although we got DVDs for an impending ultrasound and some food), but in the same lot was a Badcock furniture.  We didn't expect to find much better than the other place we went, but we figured it wouldn't hurt.

As soon as we walked in, there was a leather recliner.  D has his heart set on getting a leather recliner in the house, and these were not only affordable but comfortable.  We made our way around the store, him trying every leather recliner, me trying every couch.  He eventually found a recliner that rocks, swivels, and reclines that he's absolutely in love with.  Better yet, it's affordable!  Well, moreso than the first store anyway.  I found a few couches that meet my requirements for $500, much better than $5k.  Needless to say, we've decided by that point that this is where we're bringing my parents next Monday.

Then we go to look at their beds.  D is delighted to find beds for $500.  I tried to point out to him that the price probably didn't include the mattress, but he wouldn't believe me.  Before we continued looking, we ask the sales associate at the counter.  "Do the prices of the beds include the mattress?"  "No, it's for the headboard, footboard, and the rails."  To this, D has to respond with the snarky comment, "So it's the bed without the actual bed..."  I changed the subject to asking what sales they will be having to which he gave me a flier where they were advertising their most expensive stuff.  Meanwhile, D is still shaking his head in disbelief.

We found a cheap "bed" in the store we will probably get and consented to having to go to a previously explored mattress store for the actual "bed" portion.  Poor D is out of place in stores like this.  And I can't help but poke fun at it. (although he simultaneously pokes fun at the fact that I'm comfortable in high end stores)

Baby Update
19w 0d

I'm still able to feel the occassional movement, but there's nothing consistant yet.  I notice baby is most mobile in the evenings, unfortunately right when I'm trying to wind down for bed.  This doesn't bode well for the baby years.  However, once we get our new bed, the old one is going in the baby room for my use at night so I don't have to walk across the house to breastfeed.  I hope having them in their room from the beginning will help them sleep.

We are getting the ultrasound later this week to find out the gender.  However, I'm not making the post for the ultrasound for a few days.  We have someone we want to surprise first, and I'm not sure if they keep up with my blog.  Once we've had our surprise, we'll post all about on here and on facebook.

Wait... This is my reality?

Ever have those moments when you suddenly stop and realize just what you're doing?  I've had those moments before, like when I had dropped out of college and preparing to move 3 hours away, or when D and I first started dating and I realized I was in an actual relationship.  I've had another one of those moments recently, and it helped remind me to appreciate what I have acquired with all the work I put into the last few years.

With the wedding little more than a month away and the baby starting to regularly wiggle and kick, I had to stop a moment to let the two facts sink in.  It's like getting 2 of my little girl fantasies at the same time!  I get to marry a man who loves and respects me (and who I love and respect back), and I get to experience pregnancy and have a baby of my very own!  It's still surreal and probably will be for a while yet.  As recent as 3 years ago, I lamented my deplorable mostly nonexistant dating history and wondered if I'd be lucky enough to find someone who would want to spend the rest of their life with me.  Yet suddenly, just as I made the decision to live my life for myself and not based on the ideal set by family and friends, everything started working out perfectly. 

There was this guy who was interested in me, yet we were far enough away from each other that I couldn't throw myself too quickly into it like I did with my last "relationship".  He happened to have a place nearby and well established when all hell broke lose and I could stay in my apartment anymore.  We've had nearly 2 years of living together to get the chance to learn each other's nuances.  Despite pestering from both families, we had the chance to do some growing up without feeling pressured into getting married.  Then, not 3 months after we reached the point where we were both ready to get married and start a family, we learn that we get to welcome a baby into our lives long enough after the already planned wedding to really establish ourselves as a couple first.

I had to just stop and realize this wasn't some romance novel.  This was my life!  And it all started with me making the decision to take back ownership over it.  It's a dream come true for anyone, moreso for the person I used to be.  There'll be some new challenges ahead I've probably never even dreamed of.  But for right now, life is good.

Blog Update:  I apologize for not updating regularly as was my plan.  I have to be in a certain mood apparantly to have the patience for posting.  Until October 8, I am now officially shifting my attention to the wedding and will probably be posting more about that.  There will still be some important baby posts, such as the post coming up soon about the gender.  But if you're here for baby posts, you should check back after October as I blog about baby showers, setting up the nursery, and all the joys of pregnancy symptoms.  Thanks for reading my blog! ^_^

4am Wakeup Call

18w 1d

This is starting to become a regular thing.  I wake up in the wee hours of the morning either to pee or because I hear D come home.  This morning, it was technically the latter, and I should've gotten up to pee when I first woke up at 2:30.  But I held it and had to go pee at 3:30am, and now here I am, having conceded defeat and up posting online at an ungodly hour.  This has been going on in similar fashion seemingly every night for a while now.  To add insult to injury, I haven't been able to nap properly during the day lately.

I know this is normal, but there's absolutely no reason I shouldn't be getting more sleep than this.  Dunno really how to fix this, and I'm getting that constant tired look about me.  I do feel baby more when I get up this early, so maybe baby is actually the one nudging me awake.  This won't do at all...

Baby backstrokes and thinking about the birth

17w 5d

For the past few weeks, I've felt some indistinguishable sensations in the baby bump.  They were way too faint to know for sure, and at first I passed it off as just some of my body's normal functions.  The past few days however, I've felt little flutters and a whooshing sensation!  It doesn't feel like other body functions, so I can almost confidently say that I'm feeling baby move now!  It's exciting to have reached that milestone.  Now I can have the occassional reminder that baby is still there and growing.

As far as other symptoms go, my lower back is achey which makes my shoulders hurt too.  What I wouldn't give for a proper massage about now.  Sleep is also in a consistant pattern of sleeping for a few hours then waking up.  Sometimes I can go back to sleep, sometimes I can't.  I blame not being able to stay in a single position for too long.  I know it won't get any better once the baby comes, but it makes me feel like I constantly have a lack of sleep which doesn't help my mood swings any.

Birth Day Concerns

I had a bit of a breakdown about a week ago about how the birth is going to go.  Because the only birthing center is nearly 2 hours away, we've opted to use a local hospital.  But then I picked up a book from our library about the Bradley method of birthing.  What I didn't expect to find was a long list of reasons why everything they do from a hospital can add to a cascade of losing control of my own delivery.  Even the IV can be enough to cause complications that would lead to fetal monitoring, drugs, and C-sections.  It made me feel hopeless in my choices because I know that Medicaid won't pay for a midwife to deliver the baby at home.

At my last appointment, I got some answers to what procedures and accomidations they have.  I was glad to hear that they let the mother keep the baby for the first hour to allow bonding time before whisking them away for tests.  They will also let the baby stay in the room with me so we can establish a breastfeeding schedule.  She said they require an IV and fetal monitoring, but I'm going to go back and see if we can compromise with a heparin lock and intermittant fetal monitoring.  It would certainly help me feel better about it.  I also need to make sure that the doctor, the nurses, and D are all aware of my wishes and make sure D will help advocate for me that I don't need drugs or unnecessary procedures unless the baby is in distress.

As the wedding looms closer, I can't help but begin to worry about it.  By the wedding date, the baby will technically be viable to survive outside the womb if I went into premature labor.  I want us to be ready for delivery by the wedding, but it's hard convincing D that we should do any prep before the wedding.

The right to complain

15w 6d

I occasionally make comments on facebook about some of the pregnancy symptoms I have including aches and lack of sleep.  I want to share it with friends because facebook is the only medium I get to talk to a lot of them right now.  What I didn't count on was older friends and family making comments similar to "get used to it; you'll have 18 more years of it."

At first, they were funny and maybe a bit witty.  But I don't make these posts to get that kind of response out of people.  Perhaps I do look for pity in a few of my status updates, but I want my current concerns to be recognized for what they are.  Yes, I am aware some of these symptoms will not go away anytime soon, but does that mean I don't deserve validation for my current suffering?  It is all for a wonderous, joyful reason, and belittling it now because I'll have years of it negates that sense of my experiences now for the sake of the baby in my arms someday.  I would almost prefer comments to constantly say "hang in there; it's all for baby" than what I can only interpret as reprimands for daring to complain now.

I know that I'm going to be bombarded by these comments by well-meaning people who think they're being funny or realistic.  But why can't people trust that I already know these things?  I know I'm going to have backaches and lack of sleep for years to come, but it's not about the backache.  It's about the experience of being a parent and getting to watch someone be their own person from day 1.  Yes, I'm hormonal and sometimes need to vent; but when I'm venting, the last thing I want to hear is that I have years of it ahead of me.  I do my best to focus on the positives of life before me, but it doesn't mean I'm not entitled to letting off steam every now and then.  It makes me want to block my status messages from all but my friends who don't yet have kids fully raised.

Super Pregnancy Senses & Some Final Wedding Arrangements

15w 1d

As Daniel likes to point out, I've developed an acute sense of smell.  Certain smells are enough to set me off and make me nauseous, but others make me want to hunt down the source of the smell.  It's helped me determine what I shouldn't eat and what I'm craving.  I've smelled food I'm craving even when I know I can't actually be smelling it.  Because what I crave seems to change day by day (and sometimes by the hour), I've used it to figure out what my body wants.

I still have evening nausea, but I think I'm finally getting over my constant lack of energy.  I still feel better when I get a nap and get into bed by 10, but I find I'm still fairly functional even if I don't get the nap.  I'm looking at getting more active again, but the heat outside is still hard for me to handle, especially since my water needs have increased.  I may take up my dad's advice and look into a local YMCA for water aerobics or something of that nature.

Wedding Home Stretch

I realize there hasn't been many updates on the wedding planning lately.  As the wedding gets closer, there are suddenly so many more things to do to get ready for it!  I'm trying to make sure everyone has something in period to wear, but it's hard to do that when most of the people needing outfits talk to my fiance more than I get to talk to them.  He probably thinks I'm nagging by asking them to check on their progress, but I know this needs to get under way now for the outfits to be done by Oct 8.

I've still got to arrange a time for the rehearsal although I don't know if I can expect all the groomsmen to be there or not as my fiance is the main contact person for them.  There's also the marriage license (which includes verifying that our officiant is registered), completing arrangements with the photographer, getting a final headcount for the rehearsal dinner for the restaurant, arranging purchase and pickup of the festival tickets, and figuring out how I'm distributing the tickets to everyone.

I feel like there's a lot to do, yet I also get the feeling that a lot of the hard planning is already done.  It helps to make it clear to people that it's their responsibility to contact us instead of us contacting them.  I guess I'm just frustrated by the fact that I've reached the point where a lot of the final planning is out of my hands and depends on people being responsible.  In the end all I can do is keep track of where things stand and step back to let them do their parts.  I know the wedding day will come together because I've made several backup plans to possible problems (what if the cake doesn't arrive?  what if the photographer can't come?  what if more people than we planned show up? etc.).