One Week

Prestressing about the wedding has so far actually proven effective.  I'm one week out, and I can't really say I have a major concern anymore.  The tickets are in my hands, the cake fiasco has seemingly concluded, and the rehearsal may not end up such a waste of time anymore.  My biggest concern is that people won't get the memo about when to get their tickets from us, but that's mainly their problem, not ours.  I've even had time to contact all my banks/credit cards about the name change and figure out what I will need to do after the wedding.

I'm finally getting some time to let the truth sink in.  I'm getting married!  The autumn weather somehow reminded me of my awkward school days when I didn't want to talk to anybody.  Having a moment of getting into that mood really reminded me of just how much my life has been enriched since then.  It's of course due to the series of people who have come and gone, but I had to give myself some credit too.  Somewhere in there I made the decision that I wanted to be happier and have more for myself.  And now at 24 I get to marry someone who truly cares for me, and I have the ability to care for him back.  Those who know where I've come from can attest to how much of an accomplishment that is for me.

Sure, it's the end of a life.  I have someone else I have to consider in my decision making for the rest of my life, and I can no longer consider other men as dating possibilities.  But I also get the security of someone else there with me no matter what through the tough times.  And dating always felt like a daunting task anyway, so a part of me is relieved that I'm now excused from that.  It's gonna be harder to just go out on a whim with a family to consider, and my spending splurges no longer dent just my pocketbook.  But I get to help and watch this child grow and learn from day 1, and we have more opportunities as a couple to explore financial opportunities like owning a home.

I'm nervous about the wedding itself, but I'm looking forward to the marriage.

Is there an off switch on these things?

22 weeks 6 days

WARNING:  This post contains copious amounts of leaking boobs.  If you are offended by hearing about leaky boobs, skip this post.  There will be other pregnancy related posts later.

For the past few weeks, my colostrum has been coming in.  I have moisture stains all on my sleep shirts, and I've had to invest in nursing pads just to keep my bra from smelling like warm milk.  It's been an adjustment, especially since at the same time the girls have been growing.  In fact, their size is what's been making it hard for the baby bump to be apparant.

Well this morning, one of them actually squirted at me.  It only got my arm this time, but it's the first time there's been enough of it to actually be squirted.  I'm happy to be getting signs that baby isn't going to go hungry, but shouldn't it be too early for this?  I'm not even out of the 2nd trimester yet!  There isn't a way to stop them from doing it either.  *sigh*  I guess it's time to resign myself to wearing the nursing bra 24/7 and changing out the nursing pads on a regular basis.

Wedding Update

We're now 12 days out from the wedding.  I finished the cupcake stand last night, mostly anyway.  I need to get another divider for the top tier, but otherwise it's finished.  I put some gifts for parents into gift bags, and I'm arranging to have the festival tickets and food coupons mailed to me this week.  I need to make a trip to Staples to print out the programs, get my phone charger back so I'm available for last minute questions, buy makeup, and make sure I have everything packed that I'm going to need.  I've also got to put the finishing touches on my vows and make sure I have them printed or written out.

I hope to have a lot of the important stuff done this week so I can spend next week really letting the reality of the wedding truly set in.  I want to enjoy the day and appreciate the milestone, and I'll feel less guilty doing it if everything is in line.

A Sucky Day in Last Minute Wedding World

Note: This is a vent.  To those I'm venting about, know that I understand your circumstances and don't think they are unreasonable.  I'm frustrated at the situations in general because there's nothing we can do about it.  I'm not starting drama; I'm just at my wit's end for today.

I swear, I feel like today is out to get me!  First at the Wal-Mart, D has difficulty finding the shoes that he wants for the wedding.  He doesn't trust his own sense of style as to what counts as in period, plus he feels the need to wear the shoes for 10 minutes to figure out if they're comfortable enough.  We end up overspending on what we needed to get today, such as the cake boards and cake cutting knife.

Then I get home to a message saying that my officiant and a groomsman won't be able to come to the rehearsal.  We only have 3 groomsmen, and one of them we already knew wasn't going to be able to make it due to work.  So now we're only going to have 1 groomsman and no officiant at the rehearsal.  That adds worry that people aren't going to know where they need to be when on the day of the wedding!  We'll just have to hope that they figure it out because we won't get time for another rehearsal before the wedding.  I'm grateful enough to my bridesmaids just for showing that they're gonna get a nice dinner somewhere that evening.

I take a shower to calm myself down, but all I can think about are the last minute details I have to make sure I tell guests.  It's important stuff too, like when they can pick up their tickets and not to bring gifts to the actual wedding.  So I go straight to the computer and spend half an hour composing the message to send to everyone, not realizing until too late that I'm not spending time with D before he disappears to work for the evening.  It just makes me more unhappy.  Then I get a message from a friend saying she can't come to the wedding.  Because that helps my mood any.

So then I decide I'm going to try to distract myself with something productive.  I turn to constructing the cupcake stand.  I bought these cardboard cake platters with rounded petal detailing and silver surfaces.  I've got 4 clear jars I'm planning on using for supports and some paint pens if I decide it needs some more sprucing up.  I'm still working on the calculations for how big this sucker has to be, but I go look for the tacky glue I had out only a week ago... and it's gone missing.  I looked all over the living room, the spare room, even in the junk basket.  That was the last straw!

I'm beyond frustrated with today.  It was supposed to be a good, productive day, but instead it's turned into one disappointment after another.  And there's still more to do tomorrow, like go out to purchase gifts for D's mother and the event coordinator (not to mention now I need more glue).  I also need to get something to put in the jars, finish trying to figure out how many tiers the stand needs, and double check that the cupcakes will even fit in the 3 inch space I'm planning to have between the tiers.  Plus I think I'm going to need either more empty jars of this size or something different with all the tiers I may end up needing.

Oh, and in the midst of all this, I'm nearly forgetting my OBGYN appointment next week!  If it wasn't on my calendar, it'd probably be driven right from my mind.  Can the wedding be over yet?  Please?

We are officially 3 weeks away from the wedding!  D pointed out today that I've been chanelling my prewedding jitters to all the planning needed to get the wedding under way.  The problem is I'm starting to run out of things that need further attention!  My parents are going to be ensuring that the cupcakes make it to the festival, and my professional photography is perfectly happy not getting her check until the day of the wedding.  We've got a shopping trip planned to get our shoes and gifts for the event coordinator and another family member, and we're also getting the marriage license next week.  Hotel arrangements are made, and I'm sending the festival the final ticket count next week so we can go ahead and pay for them.

So yeah, there's enough to do to keep me occupied for a week probably, especially since D is now in wedding mode and with me to get everything done ASAP.  I'll probably still be paranoid that I'll forget to plan something or make sure I bring something important to the wedding, like the cake topper or his wedding ring.  At least I have a productive outlet for the usual prewedding stress.  I'll continue to make lists and insist we get things done.  I'll probably not be able to relax until the wedding is actually over.

Baby Update
21 weeks 4 days

Baby has definately gotten more active.  Last night, he woke me up at 3am and kept moving around for 2 hours straight.  I don't know if he was doing gymnastics or just had the hiccups, but I couldn't get back to sleep no matter what I did.  When I conceded defeat at 5am and got up, he stopped moving.  He did wake up later in the evening however to kick the cat repeatedly (he had decided the baby bump made a comfortable cat bed).  The cat gave my belly the wtf/death glare, but he refused to move.  I look forward to future interactions between the kitty and the baby bump.

I've been eating ravenously!  I swear that my body has decided to put me on the hobbit eating schedule.  I can eat a good sized meal and then be ravenously hungry again 2 hours later.  I'm easily eating 2 breakfasts, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner, supper, and desert.  Either baby is going through a monster growth spurt, or this is going to be the norm for the next 4 months.  I hope it doesn't stay this bad through breastfeeding and I can get away with only having to add one extra meal instead of 3!

Despite the increase in food intake, I've been feeling a bit off this evening.  I blame the lack of sleep, but I have that awful pre-fever feeling.  It doesn't bode well for tomorrow.  Thankfully, Dr. Google says that a fever at this point won't be harmful to baby unless it's 103 or higher or if it lasts a long while.  Hopefully I can sweat it out tonight and tomorrow so I can be up and about for wedding planning next week.

Dress Making Vacation and More Wedding Worries

After 2 and a half days more in Wilmington, my wedding dress and bouquet are officially complete.  The actual look for it is top secret (I know I have family who reads this and don't want to spoil it for them ;) ), and I've made it myself with the help of my lovely bridesmaids.  We also had an evening sitting at the kitchen table together and putting our bouquets together to our satisfaction.  Most of the work got done on Monday though as Tuesday we all got enthralled by a marathon of an entire season of "America's Next Top Model".  Despite our best efforts to get up and do something productive, we just couldn't.  Then, by the time the marathon was over, my pregnancy hormones had be so wiped that I didn't even want to look at my dress.

Today, Wednesday, I actually finished the hemming on the dress as well as attached a loop to the train so that I can hold up my train easily while at the festival.  I'm very pleased with the dress and have all confidence that it's going to look awesome at the wedding.

Then this evening I get a call from my cake maker.  It turns out that he is expecting us to provide the cupcake stand for our arrangement, and he's also planning on driving up to set it up the morning of the wedding.  He lives probably a good 4 hours away from the wedding site, and the window for setup is between 9am and 9:30am by which time he will need to be off the premises.  I'm very concerned about this plan of his (not to mention a bit put off by finding out 3 and a half weeks before that we need to provide the cake stand).  I've got a bad feeling about this whole ordeal now with the cake.  We've got a backup plan, but because I'm a personal friend who I've helped numerous ways, I feel a bit put out.

Vacations can't last forever, and the reality is the wedding is 3 and a half weeks away.  It's definitely crunch time now, and there's no rest for the weary, even the pregnant.

It's a boy!

Aug 31, 2011

19w 1d

Me and D had been bouncing around about this ultrasound all week.  It's anatomy scan day, and we get to take home a DVD of the ultrasound.  I occupy myself by focusing on wedding planning, making some adjustments to the wedding program and such.  D got annoyed with me for trying to talk to him about wedding stuff when he was already stressed and excited about the ultrasound.

We left early to grab lunch beforehand, and this time I got a coffee.  The ultrasound tech advised last time that coffee helps baby be more active.  Considering last time baby was being so uncooperative, I didn't want to chance getting there and baby not being willing to show off the goods.  I even had the foresight to not gulp it all down at once, which was fortunate because we were a while in the waiting room.  They were apparently behind schedule that day, and the nurse was a bit short with us when D asked if I had actually gained any weight this time.

At last it was our turn in the ultrasound room!  She did the anatomy portion first, making a DVD for the doctor.  She took all the measurements, showed us the 4 chambers in the heart, and we got to see the blood flowing through the umbilical cord.  I was a proud mama seeing how well baby was doing and that the cord had all the vessels it was supposed to have.  Baby was at this point folded like a taco with its feet up by its head.  Luckily, by the time she put our DVD in for our recording, baby had moved its legs back down so that its knees were merely up by its chest instead of stretched all the way up.

We got a full body view and saw the baby squirming a bit before the ultrasound tech zeroed in on the goods.  It took a minute to get a good look because baby had one of its legs crossed with its foot on its knee.  But then we saw it, a clear white dot!  We're having a boy!  The technician make sure to get a good still picture with the tell-tale sign.

We got some more video of him moving around and some profile pictures.  I wasn't crying per se, but I had tears in my eyes watching my little boy.  I was so proud of him for being so healthy and active and thinking about all the wonderful times he would bring to my life.  We got some good still pictures from the doctor's ultrasound for our DVD and some more movement shots before she called it a day.

The reason why I didn't post this the day it happened is because we decided we wanted to surprise my parents who are coming up for labor day.  We are also telling other family in a special way, and I'm not sure if they check this blog or not.