"Spaces in your Togetherness"

"You were born together, and together you shall be forever more.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow" ~ Khalil Gibran, "The Prophet"

I doubt my husband has read this, but in our marriage he seems to be following these words as much as I am.  A comment he made today made me think again about this passage.

A friend and I are having a disagreement/misunderstanding about something.  Although he has stepped in to help in the past, he's decided it's best to let me deal with it.  Even though he hates seeing me upset, he admits I'm dealing with the situation better than he would.  We make a point to allow the other to have breathing room in our relationship and believe that it allows for better results to deal with life as separate people still.  We are similar but still very different people with different pasts that guide our decisions.  In marriage, we get to benefit from each other, but it doesn't mean tying our hands together.

The same could be said of friendships I suppose.  We don't (usually) tie ourselves to friends as much as we would a spouse, but it's unrealistic to expect friendships to go on without any problems.  Sure, it's healthy to walk away from friendships that do nothing but hurt, but it is our differences with the people around us that truly help us grow and evaluate the parts of ourselves we should outgrow.  We walk our path side by side with those we choose to be there with us.  But we also get to choose how close we walk with them.  Some friends you want within arms reach, some perhaps are meant to be within shouting distance.  Some are only meant to be with us for a season before taking their lives down a different path.

Well, this post was supposed to be about marriage, but isn't marriage just a really close friendship anyway?